Have you ever had that one situation that looked small at first… until it wasn’t?
The one that has you saying, “I swear, I didn’t know when it got to this(I no believe say e go reach like this)?”
For LGBTQI+ individuals, this is sadly the biggest reality. It sometimes begins with
🔸 A message.
🔸 A threat.
🔸 A screenshot of you from your production or source of livelihood.
And just like that, what starts as chatting, dating, friendship, or simply existing and making ends meet becomes violence.
But let’s be honest, because we need to talk about this.
As the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia (IDAHOBIT) draws near, we are reminded why this conversation matters. May 17 marks the World Health Organisation’s 1990 decision to remove homosexuality from its International Classification of Diseases, a major global reminder that LGBTQI+ people are not broken, sick, or in need of “fixing.” They are humans. Period!
And yet, for many LGBTQI+ individuals in Nigeria, the daily reality can still feel like moving through the world with one eye open.
That is why we are talking about the types of violations.
Not to spread fear.
Not to shout “danger” or have you looking over your shoulders every two minutes.
But for clarity, compassion, and safer choices.
Violence Is Not Always Physical
When people hear “violence,” or are asked what violence is, I bet the first thing they say is beating, assault, or physical attack.
And yes, all of those are serious.
But violence is not only what leaves a bruise. Sometimes, it is what leaves someone anxious, broke, isolated, exposed, or too scared to ask for help.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, violations may include:
❗ Harassment
❗ Blackmail
❗ Extortion
❗ Assault
❗ Outing — exposing someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity without consent
❗ Unlawful arrest
❗ Denial of services
❗ Threats to reputation, family, work, school, housing, or safety
❗ And even coercion
Yes, Coercion! when someone pressures, threatens, tricks, manipulates, or forces you into doing something you did not freely choose.
And sometimes, it sounds very simple.
Like:
- “If you don’t send money, I’ll post your picture.”
- “If you block me, you’ll see yourself online.”
- “Do you know what will happen if people find out?”
- “If you report me, I’ll say you came willingly.”
- “Send another video first, then I’ll delete the old one.”
See the pattern?
Now, It’s funny how the word “coercion” is rarely the first word that comes to mind when violence is mentioned but is intertwined with almost all the other forms of violence. Take Blackmail or Outing as further examples.
It all starts with control. Then fear enters. Then silence follows.
And that silence is what abusers often count on.
But here’s the thing: understanding coercion helps us recognise red flags before things escalate.
Not because we want everyone afraid of love, dating, friendship, or community.
We talk because safer choices are easier when people have clearer information.
What Should You Watch Out For?
Let’s keep it practical.
Some red flags include:
- Someone rushing intimacy or asking for explicit photos too quickly.
- Inviting you somewhere and changing the plan at the last minute
- Refusing to meet in safe or public spaces first
- Asking personal questions that feel like “data collection,” i.e., “What phone do you use?”.
- Recording you without consent.
- Using shame, guilt, or fear to control you
- Threatening to expose you during an argument
- Asking for money to “keep quiet”
- Bringing unexpected people into a private meeting
- Making you feel like you cannot say no
And please, this is not about blaming victims. Never.
The blame falls on the person who chooses harm. But knowing the signs can help us pause, ask better questions, and choose safety where possible.
But, if something happens, what can you do?
First breathe. You heard! Do not panic so you can think clearly.
If you or someone you know is facing harassment, blackmail, extortion, outing, assault, unlawful arrest, or even denial of services, here are a few steps that may help:
- Get to safety first if there is immediate danger.
- Do not suffer alone. Tell a trusted person or reach out to a trusted community organisation. Having the contacts/hotlines of organisations such as TPLPI @, MINORITY WATCH @, TIMED @, TIERS @, TRAHI @, or paralegal first raiders on speed dial has proven to help.
- Do not delete evidence out of panic. Save screenshots, usernames, phone numbers, dates, account links, and messages.
- Do not send more intimate content because someone promised to delete the old one.
- Seek medical care if there has been physical or sexual violence.
- Ask for legal or human rights support before engaging further with the person threatening you.
- Avoid forwarding intimate images or videos, even as “evidence,” in random group chats.
- Remember that shame belongs to the abuser, not you.
You are not foolish because someone manipulated you.
You are not careless because someone chose violence.
You are human. And you deserve support.
